Being off of school for two weeks, I didn't think I would allow myself to go that entire time without blogging...so I won't.
Christmas has officially come and gone around here (aside from the after-Christmas party that I'm about to go to where a few friends and I will, essentially, devour the rest of our Christmas cookies and talk and watch movies...but I'm not really sure if that counts). The space underneath our tree s empty. All the holiday tunes have been deleted from my iPod, only to be replaced by the newly purchased chart-toppers thanks to the plethora of iTunes gift cards received my various family members. The Christmas specials have stopped airing on TV (in a way, I'm kind of glad for that, though...not so much the programs themselves as I am thankful that the ads for said programs are no longer airing...I've been watching those since the day after Halloween. Only ten more months 'til they start airing again...yay...).
And so now begins the habitual playing with/testing out/wearing/spending the gifts we've received for the next week or so until we go back to school for another several months...and then wait for all this madness to begin again.
Don't cast me off as a Scrooge, even though the above comments may make me sound like one. I'm really, truly not. Those observations may be just based on the fact that I'm getting older, and I'm getting a feel of how Christmas really works...But, seriously, I love Christmas. I love the sights, sounds, smells, everything about it...but it kind of seems like I missed it this year.
I think part of the "Christmas Spirit" is taking part in all of the bacchanalia and preparation for the actual day...more so, to an extent, than the actual day itself. Think about it...at least a few days are spent putting up decorations inside and outside the house, at least one day baking goodies, several days shopping for resents to be given out throughout the holiday season...getting to drink seasonal drinks from Starbucks out of the red holiday cup (I love the red cups), listening to endless amounts of Christmas music from the day after Thanksgiving up until Christmas night...
And, for some reason, I feel like I missed out on a lot this year.
I've missed out more on other years...three years ago, we had a massive snowstorm and were snowed for almost a week, including Christmas day; my grandpa passed away the next year, so we were not very cheery, as Christmas was his absolute favorite holiday...but I still feel like I missed out on more this particular year. Maybe it's because we went to Hawaii right in the middle of the Christmas season. It was in full swing for almost a week before we left...when we got there, it didn't even feel like winter, let alone Christmas...and when we got back, we had a little less than two weeks to make up for everything we missed while we were in Hawaii. I missed going shopping in Seattle with my mom almost every weekend, walking through the streets all bundled up with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands, taking in the lights and the holiday carousel in the middle of the city...
I tried my best to catch up in the few days I had. I watched as many Christmas films/specials as I could (personal favorites are A Christmas Story, The Polar Express, the old Disney channel specials from Lizzie McGuire, Kim Possible, That's So Raven, Even Stevens and other shows; Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (both the animated and live-action), the old claymation specials Mickey's Once Upon A Christmas [the second one's...okay...], and A Charlie Brown Christmas). I put all my Christmas songs on my iPod (Johnny Mathis, the Ray Coniff singers, Mariah Carey, Andy Williams, Mannheim Steamroller, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Vince Guaraldi (composer for Charlie Brown), Barenaked Ladies (yes), Burl Ives, John Lennon, Bing Crosby, and many others). But even that didn't seem enough to make me feel...ready for Christmas this year.
For the past few years, as I've seen there's been something not quite right with Christmas, I've made a resolution to make the next year's Christmas even better, even if it means throwing up some lights around the exterior of our house, or getting my friends awesome gifts or making six dozen Christmas cookies. But sometimes that doesn't feel like it's enough. It doesn't feel like the (and I'm about to get super cliche about this) magic of Christmas is there all the time. Sometimes I feel it, like there's peace in the world and everyone's friendly and I'll find myself walking down the street and it'll start to snow, or the off chance that there is a Santa Clause...and then something else comes along, something that pulls the sugar-coated, fairy-dusted rug from beneath my feet, reminding me that the world isn't made of sugar plums and elves that make toys...it's a much darker place than I once thought it was. And I wish I could go back to a time when I couldn't get to sleep on Christmas Eve, excited to find out what Father Christmas had left me under the Christmas tree.
Wow.
I still swear, I'm not a Scrooge. But I am getting older, growing up. I figured I was growing up when I couldnt' really figure out what I wanted for Christmas. Now that I'm more likely to carry money of my own, I never have the desire to really wait until Christmas to ask for it. I can just buy it myself. But I did get a few nice things for Christmas. a few scarves from my dad, along with a few DVDs (Season 1 of The Big Bang Theory, Season 1 and 2.5 of Glee, Wall-E) and a few books. It was a nice Christmas, truly. I spent Christmas Eve with my Dad's side (it's usually done on the 26th, but one of my cousins had to work that day), and spent Christmas Day with my mom's family. Pretty typical Christmas. This is the tradition every year. I just realized this year that I've always been home for Christmas.
Maybe that's what I need. I need to spend Christmas someplace else. Somewhere that's completely foreign to me. Or at least somewhere not remotely close to the places I usually spend Christmas. I love my family (for the most part) and all but I think I need something different. At least for one year.
Next year will be definitely be interesting, though. It'll be my first Christmas coming home from school, after my first full quarter of college. And, for some of my friends, it'll be the first time coming home since college started (one of my best friends will be moving to Denver for school, so this applies to her...). After the post-Christmas party my friends and I decided that we're going to have a game night some time after Christmas to eat cookies, drink apple cider, play games (duh) and catch up on life, since that'll probably be the first time all of us will be together since leaving for school in the fall. New tradition, maybe?
Phew. I'm exhausted. Next step: Hawaii blog.
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